In the July following the posting of PS I Love You, it had been arranged that I would fly out to LA and make dinner for the Pelican and Shye.

At the time, I was in much pain and awaiting a particular surgery. I did not think the trip would have any particular baring on my ongoing issues one way or another…Yet I almost had an ‘AMA’ tag slapped on my records when my doctor told me in no uncertain terms what he thought of –that- idea.

AMA, for those not in the know, translates to ‘Against Medical Advice’. Because of my physical situation, I am required to take certain pain medications to simply be able to do those things most people take for granted ( Sitting, Standing, Laying down, etc) The threat of an AMA during my argument with my physician would have meant the denial of those medications and what would have no doubt been a very unpleasant period of forced withdrawal beyond even that which I voluntarily take upon myself.

Happily enough, a compromise was met and I underwent a partial surgery to my lower spine that enabled my Doctor to feel more comfortable with my departure. He arranged an early refill of my medications to ensure that I would be fully stocked for the trip and off I went.

Despite the need to pump a daily dose of around 300 mgs of morphine into my system in order to be able to make said trip, and a bit more than that to participate and visit when I got there, (which resulted in some hilarious 'fuzzy mumbling' on my part thanks to self same drugs in my bloodstream. Poor Shye! ) I enjoyed my visit immensely despite both pain and a few faux pas I made out of habit. Pelican and Shye are indeed amazing people and I was sad to leave.

The return trip seemed to go alright, all things considered, but touchdown brought troubles of its own. In the month or so that followed my body began what could only be called a pain induced systematic shut down. I lost feeling in my legs and got to where I was unable to lift my arms at the shoulder at all. (One never realizes just how often that movement is needed! Try doing everything in your day with only bending your arm at the elbow and you’ll get an idea of what I mean)

I now sit with a few surgeries behind me and maintain the ability to sit, stand and lay down once more. My arms are still a bit of an issue, but the first surgery to shave away the compacted bone and the shards that are shredding my rotator cuff tendon is only a few appointments away. They will do the left arm first, followed by the right. I suppose I need not mention that art and typing will be difficult to accomplish during that time, but there it is regardless.

I miss DA. I miss my friends and art… And I miss Shye and Pelican, whom I’ve not really heard from since my return and fear my lack of social skills may have indeed caused more of an issue than I originally thought.

Nevertheless, I am here. I am alive. Just momentarily a bit broken and trying to mend as best I am able.
I hope you all manage to forgive my lack of involvement here. DA has not been running right for me for some time now. It is overly slow and cumbersome and refuses to load the pages I click on. ( whats up with that? Anyone know? Is it just me?)

I hope to be ‘back’ soon-ish. At the very least I will attempt to post here a bit more regularly to let you all know how things stand and what the ETA might be.

Until then, know that I miss every one of you and hope you are all well and happy.

Stay safe for me.

-stace-

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